A rant spurred by having a conversation with a self-pitying, entitled misogynist

Had a conversation with a follower recently and it just pissed me off.

I have a bone to pick with guys who feel entitled to a girl just because... they were nice to them. Also with guys who somehow feel that when girls request some practicality in a relationship, it's them being too realistic and gold digging. And also with guys who feel that having a girlfriend means to somehow control her freedom.

First, being nice to someone else is a given. It's polite, and it's something you choose to do. You do not get to demand that she reciprocate or that she owes you because you showed her human decency. She alone gets to decide how to react, and if she doesn't react within your expectations, it is on YOU to manage your emotions, you don't get to blame her for it.

Second, "true love doesn't see money". You must have been living in the Earth's core to still believe in this. In this capitalist society, can you do anything that is truly FOC? Survival costs money, that's why we work, staying in jobs that don't appreciate us and underpay us. To go one dates, to experience things together, co-habitation, marriage, children: that costs even more money. To live in this money-driven world - regardless of how disillusioned you are - means that money almost guarantees security. Healthy relationships discuss money healthily. We can't feed ourselves with true love and mutual respect. If you feel that your partner would prefer someone with more money ("GoLd-DiGgInG wHoRe"), either just let her go to find a partner who does, or do something about your financial situation: stop focusing on the fact that you're earning less than you think she wants you to earn, then spend it on things that she probably doesn't even want.

Third, having a girlfriend doesn't mean that you own them: they are not an inanimate object, they are not yours - or anyone's, for that matter - to own. To think that having a partner means feeling entitled to "own" them and thus control what they do is called SLAVERY. It's appalling that people still think that it should be normal to control your partner (and be controlled by their partner), to "let" them do things they want, in their own time and with their own money. Sure, they should afford you the basic respect of being their partner to discuss it with you beforehand, but in the end they themselves can decide what they want to do. And you don't get to throw a hissy fit over something that they want to do and doesn't harm others.

Self-pity is one thing, trying to rally others to your cause for pity because you had that one girl who left you for someone who fulfill her needs better is really not a good look. I understand rejection and being betrayed, it sucks, but anchoring your entire emotional being to that one person who is no longer in your life, and who will never fulfill your expectations automatically closes the doors to happiness that are open to you if you would just let go.

And are we still teaching boys that girls somehow have no sex drive, or not allowed to have a sex life? Why are guys still sniggering like children over women having healthy sex lives and kinks? Do you seriously expect your partners to be "pure virgins" until they meet you, then suddenly become Aphrodite with you? Yet it shouldn't matter if you've bedded others before her?

Will there ever be an end to this madness?

Johnny for Grindelwald

I have a bone to pick with the people who are screaming bloody murder for Johnny Depp to be taken off the Fantastic Beasts movie franchise.


Apart from one comment saying his complexion was too dark to be Grindelwald (which I disagree, because Johnny brings a very nice dimension to the character, IMO), the most common reason was his case of alleged domestic abuse toward ex-wife, Amber Heard.


Let's zoom in a little here - his case of alleged domestic abuse.


Accused by his ex-wife, who has actually been convicted of domestic violence.


Even his former partners came out to say that he was never one to be aggressive.


Now I'm not denying that people may change, and there may be more than meets the eye. After all, I don't know the guy, I can't vouch for him -  but unlike the Harvey Weinstein case, there is no other human proof of such conduct from him.


Regardless, the case was dropped in the end, and he was never found guilty.


I'm not denying that sexual harassment and domestic violence should be pardoned because the perpetrator is powerful, talented, and/or rich - there isn't any excuse for crimes like these. And I'm also not saying that accusations such as these should not be taken seriously.


But I feel like because of the Harvey Weinstein case and the following testimonies coming from women in Hollywood about sexual harassment from other big, male figures in the industry, many are adamant that this is another definite case to be put alongside all these other men who have used their position to take advantage of their female counterparts in the industry.


Getting back to Johnny and Amber's case - the case was alleged, no other proof was presented other than from Amber herself, and the testimonies from everyone else who knew him contradicted her accusations.


So now it's perfectly fine for Amber to work on Justice League - conviction and all - but one of the most fascinating actors of our time is being called to be dropped from the most magical fictional franchise of all ... ALL BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE WORD "ALLEGED".


I'd understand all the kerfuffle if there were several other individuals who came forward with testimonies that were in line with what Amber is accusing him of - even then I'd keep my skepticism until the final verdict is put down with enough evidence.


But there is none.


My standpoint is clear - I want Johnny's version of Grindelwald.


In the end, we don't know them personally or closely enough to have any right to make any judgements about them. But I assumed the world would be more skeptical when the accuser is one with a track record for the exact crime she's accusing someone of.


#rantend

Misogyny vs Skincare

Skincare is a norm for most people. Period.


This is irregardless of age, ethnicity, culture, and gender. Why wouldn't anyone want nice skin?


Well, recently I've had to go through a little pissy fit because someone within my social circle had always openly criticized guys for avoiding the sun and using skincare. Why? Because these are things that are feminine, and should not extend to what guys should do.


There's the overdone rhetoric - boys/guys should be manly, and by manly meaning unafraid of damage and pain. Show any care to not hurt or unnecessarily physically damage themselves and they shall be deemed feminine, because this is only what girls should do to remain pristine.


Tl;dr: anything that girls are supposed to do, guys aren't supposed to do.


Guys using skincare became normal for me - my dad used it (because where he was for at least 70% of the year had super harsh weather), some of my relatives used it, and so did my peers. Granted, most of them only maybe used a face wash and a sun screen, with the occasional mask. But as the internet further introduced me to the world, more and more things became normal for me where others felt it was too far out of the status quo.


What some people fail to notice is that investing the time and resource into skincare - regardless of gender - is a form of self care. Sun screen and keeping out of the hot sun isn't just to maintain fair skin - excessive exposure UV rays can lead to skin cancer.


And because there's this stupid stigma surrounding men using skincare, said companies are coming up with men's skincare ranges just to make it more acceptable for men to use skincare. And let's be honest, that much fragrance in men's skincare can't be that good.


One of the arguments is that it's "unmanly" to smell like a bed of flowers. Well, the boyfriend uses Melvita's floral water lotion and smells like a bed of, well, roses all day, and he's still the manliest guy I know.


What if I told you that you don't need to be dark, scarred, and smell like a ditch to be considered manly?


Sure, back in the old days, men had to work in the sun because they decided to oppress their women to stay in the house (give and take, gentlemen). But now? There are so many more professions that doesn't require one to be laboring under the hot sun and scarring themselves all the time. Disposable income has increased and thus allowing men (and women) to further take care of themselves any way they see fit. And if Person A's way of taking care of themselves is to prioritize their physical appearance and investing in skincare, then who are we to judge?


I just wished that there's so much less stigma that surrounds gender and gender norms in general. Life's too short to be confined to being one gender.

Misconception: tattoo + tattoo = best friends

Humans socialize by relativity, which gives them a sense of belonging to a group, an interest, or a lifestyle. For example, you would be more likely to be friends with a similar taste in music, as opposed to one who does not. While human interactions and social networking differ on several different scales, this is one theory that is fairly solid.


Having said that, there are also several other factors to take into account when socializing - demographic, personal beliefs and principles, language barriers, etc. When two people share a strong relativity to a certain entity - let's say, their favorite band - they might become the best of friends, provided that other elements of themselves are compatible, and if not, whether or not they are willing to compromise and tolerate certain traits of each other that might not necessarily align with their own.


Now, I'm known to be someone who really likes tattoos and have some knowledge about the local tattoo scene. I offer my limited knowledge wherever I can to peers or people I know who have questions. Most of the accounts I follow on Instagram, Tumblr, and Facebook are somewhat related to tattoos.


My company recently recruited a new member of staff, who happens to be a girl, who also happens to have an interest in tattoos, which is cool - as it is, our company is a dry desert with almost no girls, so a girl who has a similar interest as mine (relativity), all the better.


My superiors emphasized this point to me: that she was also a girl who emphasizes her embrace of tattoos, and that I would get along well with her.


While I have several friends and acquaintances with whom I share interests with, there are also several people who share mutual interests with me that either do not like me, are not liked by me, mutually hate each other, or we just do not speak. For example, I know guys who have tattoos who hate my guts because "girls are not supposed to have tattoos"; I know people who have tattoos whom I cannot/don't get along with either because we don't go with the same crowd, or our personalities limit our communication.


It was like how my parents expected me to get along with a family friend's daughter, who's around the same age as I am. I didn't get along with her, but ironically, my younger sister did. Whether it was the social awkwardness that plagues my social life, or that we just couldn't get along, I don't know. Not that we hated each other - I just didn't have much to say to her.


Tattoos and the industry itself is marvelous, and it's a really great thing to bring people together to share aesthetic opinions, broadening the spectrum of art styles within the industry, and just fawning over awesome needlework in general.


It does not, however, guarantee that anyone would get along with anyone else who has an interest in tattoos.


Some people get tattoos purely for the aesthetic value. Some get them for attention. Some get them as a memento of a life event. Regardless of the reason that one gets a tattoo, it's not "wrong" if it's by an artist who knows what they're doing.


I avoid "regretting" a tattoo by making sure they have substantial meaning before I go ahead to even research who does the best in the style I'm looking for. Apart from being a little skeptical of those who get tattoos just for the sake of getting them (without knowing what they want or what they derive from the tattoo), or opting only within the range of Pinterest/Tumblr tattoos, I respect everyone's objective of getting any tattoos, even if I quietly judge shitty tattoo choices/placement.


But apart from our interest in body art, our core beliefs may differ. Our lifestyles may differ. These differences may dictate whether or not we get along well. Our interests only serve as a potential catalyst to becoming acquaintances, let alone friends.

"Can I see your buttcheek tattoo?" - how about "fuck off"?

I wish I could say that I never get sexually harassing messages from strangers online, but given my tendency to take strategically covered topless selfies and upload them to social media, I guess I could say that I'm partially asking for it, since I do voluntarily 'expose' my body on a public platform.


It has come to a point where it's no longer offensive, but hilarious that some dudes would be so desperate as to take a roundabout way to ask for a nude (this is purely my assumption, which will be illustrated later in the post).


In the light of my recent weightloss, new-found self confidence, and new tattoo(s), I've taken up my old university habit of uploading censored topless selfies again (during which, these messages periodically popped up in my Facebook inbox). I don't know whether this directly provoked the Instagram DM from this dude, but it is my best theory as for the 3 years that I hadn't uploaded similar selfies, there weren't such messages within my inbox.


So this guy followed my Instagram some while ago. It was not until 28 Feb that he sent the first message, or rather, I saw his message in my DM inbox. I'll let the screenshots do the talking. Identity will be blurred out, cuz I just wanna point out the disgusting misogynistic objectification that still exists today, not to bash the dude. (I end up bashing his sorry-ass who unfollowed me after I sent the last message)


The conversation started innocently enough, asking about my tattoos. I felt it a bit off, but I credited that to my extreme paranoia and narcissism:

And as the conversation progressed from asking about my hannya, to my arm tattoo, things took an uncomfortable turn:

 

And my response to such an outward approach to presumably ask for a nude is as follows. Given, he took a really long time to reply to me eventually, he "found it a bit personal" that I was asking for his relationship status.

Oh yes, sir, very personal, as if your request to see my "butt cheek tattoo" wasn't personal at all. My response thus far (he has not responded yet, though he has read the message):

Whether they're professional adult models or regular people who have a knack for tattoos and/or selective nudity, what makes one think it's okay to hide behind a private profile and yet have the "balls" to "jokingly" ask for such personal items from said people, especially if they're strangers?


Oh, wait. Yes. Men are supposed to be entitled to women. NOT.


Now, most people will tell me I asked for it since I posted racy selfies. Posting racy selfies is not an open invitation to all to request "special privileges", regardless of your position in my life, and especially if you are a stranger.


And when you get called out for your bullshit, don't give a cowardly, lame excuse like "it was a joke". It's not a joke. Since when did asking for a photo of a girl's butt cheek become a joke? Can I randomly message you, asking about your tattoos, then ask for a photo of an intimate body part? I think regardless of how I seem to look on social media, you would feel invaded.


And what a fucking joke it is when you turn around to tell me that I asked a personal question. Oh, asking a random stranger for a nude isn't personal? What, asking for your relationship status is now "too personal" for your cowardly self? Your profile on lockdown, yet somehow, deep inside that chasm of desperation, you managed to heave out your cowardly, misogynistic balls to ask me something like that?


Oh yeah, unfollow me like the coward you are, unable to stand your ground against a random, slutty girl on Instagram who asked to be sexually harassed by posting racy selfies. Tell me, what if I were your sister, your mum, or your friend? How comfortable will you be with a random creep on the internet ask them for nudes when they decide to celebrate their moment of self confidence with a selfie, albeit a not-so-appropriate one?


Is this about the whole "women should dress more modestly to avoid sexual attention from men" rhetoric again? If it is, please castrate yourself and fuck yourself with said castrated dick, or even better get someone to ram into your ass without lube. What are scantily clad women to you but objects that you can sexualize and manipulate as you please, as if you are entitled to us in some twisted way? We don't owe anyone anything, not even our partners/lovers/spouses. How about you try treating girls and women like actual people? Who knows, you might actually get laid for once.


I found it funny when it was actually happening. I was laughing for 20 minutes straight at how pathetically desperate you were enough to do such a lowly thing, but I had no idea I'd go into a ranting rage. Who are you, to just brush off your sexual harassment with a stupid excuse that it's a joke? Which part of you had the right to think that you were entitled to any of my photos that aren't already on my account (which is fucking public, btw), when you are nothing but a stranger to me? When the fuck did it become acceptable to sexually harass anyone, regardless of if it's just an innocent jab or full-on violence?


You know why guys like you are still single? You can't get past your own fucking "manly" (read: misogy-fucking-nistic) ego to respect women as people that are equal to you, if not above you. No one owes you anything - not your family, not your friends, no one. You reap what you sow, and if you sow bullshit and you have the misfortune of meeting a bitch like me, please get your ass ready to be horse-fucked cuz you gonna get an ass full of bull, horse, and dog shit.


And unfortunately for you, people like Christian Grey don't actually get the girl. People who gives respect and treats women as people get the girl. Do the world a favor, piss off your misogynistic ass and die, please. Oh, yes, objectify all you want, I anticipated that when I started posting half-naked shit on the internet (although you are still a disgusting shit-bag for doing so). But please keep your twisted, misogynistic fantasies to yourself and continue fapping. Or buy a fleshlight, they come in all kinds of shapes and sizes now, so feel free to browse. Or actually treat a girl like a human being for once, and pray you don't bump into ranty bitches like me anymore if you decide that your poor dick is still entitled to fap to any of my personal photos.


I would very much like to expose you, then burn you at the stake after very slowly castrating you with a blunt serrated blade. But I'll just report your account to Instagram :)


#rantover

How I actually feel about 50 Shades

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Might be inappropriate for minors LOL

~~~

People who know me even as acquaintances know that I'm not as decent as I look - I can turn practically anything into a dirty innuendo. Apart from Harry Potter and fairy tale collections, I used to read any adult novel that had erotica in it (cue Emmannuel and I, Cleopatra), and they were the books that I didn't told anyone I read.


When Fifty Shades of Grey took the literature world by storm, I have to admit that I was interested. Many of my friends were already reading it, and recommended it to me as they knew my preference for erotic literature.


For me, erotic literature didn't have to have Shakespearean vocabulary - it could be simple, but it had to be sensual, descriptive, yet exciting.


Essentially, E.L. James was inspired by the Twilight saga and her husband, hence the erotic fan fiction that they called a "literary sensation". Eventually I got the books through BR1M vouchers (thanks, MPH), and I shamelessly read through the series.


I was hooked at first, even though the first few "sex scenes" were strange to me. I could understand the simple language that narrated the story, but the way the sex scenes were described were overly amateur. I didn't read the last few parts that described how they did it in the yard while she was pregnant and/or with the kid playing in the yard (forgot which belongs to which).


A random writer from Thought Catalog could've done so much better. It was so... porn-like (a.k.a. so bland and uncreatively blunt). Christian just stuck his impossibly massive phallus into her and Ana orgasms every single time without extra groin stimulation. Excuse me, but I think I've read enough Cosmopolitan articles and online instructionals to know that it's almost impossible for most women to orgasm through 5-10 minutes of intense sex, no matter how pleasurable it feels.


And perhaps each sex scene could've been a little different from each other. Essentially it was just kiss, fuck, then Ana orgasming and collapsing. It's something that someone who only has a very vague grasp of sex would write, as opposed to the people who are familiar with erotic literature (Google Adrienne West on Thought Catalog).


Some other little details. I want my man to take the lead in the relationship, but not to the extent that he will control what I do with my body cosmetic-wise. Sure, he can have his opinions about bodily hair, but to say that's it's a deal-breaker sounds more like a very compromising relationship, don't you think? (apparently a lot of first-world girls don't think so)


As much as I like the idea of Christian shaving Ana, I cannot comprehend ANY living male to be 100% okay with menstruation. My SO doesn't sweat too much about it, but it's still not really something he'd be eager to voluntarily come into contact to too much. But Christian actually pulled a freaking tampon out of her.


The fact that his first experience was with a Mrs Robinson would've been a deal-breaker, especially if she was still a large part of his life. I would already be jealous AF if any of his exes were still in the picture, let alone almost in the center of the picture.


The petty things aside: if any man takes pleasure out of hurting women, sees fit to control every aspect of her life and punish her for not abiding by his demands, and to just throw the woman around however he likes isn't romance - it's abuse.


Some might retort that it's just the way the BDSM scene is. Well, I don't know what really goes on in the BDSM community, nor do I know how a dom-sub relationship works, but I do know that it is always consensual, and the safe words are always observed. At the end of every session, the dom helps the sub transition back into reality. More than once, Christian ignored Ana's safe words, and it doesn't compensate to apologize for "losing himself".


I'm not saying that abused individuals don't deserve love. In fact, they need more love than normal, but to feed their "desire" for inflicting and basking in the pain and agony of another individual is unhealthy.


Ana is a sarcastic yet easily manipulated person of literature, and Christian is just an abusive and controlling dom who seems to find it okay to use his past as an excuse to throw his money and power around.


It was an adventure when it lasted, but compared to other works I've seen, this is not worth being called a literary sensation, regardless of how many books it sold.


As for the movie, I imagined more of a Christian Bale type male to be Christian, which was why I was utterly disappointed when they announced Jamie Dornan to be cast as Christian. And naturally, I thought of Kristen Stewart as Ana, but the casted Dakota Johnson didn't really do it for me either, though she does have a pretty nice body, from what I glimpsed through the snippet of the trailer that I did see.


Essentially, it's just a sexual episode of abuse that silly Ana thought was romantic to go through with. Also, it's essentially porn, so I don't get why so many people are going crazy about the fact that it has been banned in theaters here in Malaysia.


Just my two cents on the topic. Feel free to agree or hate.

My two cents

It actually still really amazes me when misogyny so often shines through so many aspects of society, even when feminism is gaining so much popularity all over the world.


Having said that, I'm no feminist, if you prefer to be completely politically correct. I agree that scantily clad women are one of the essential "strategies" in marketing. I believe that men should still be chivalrous - that they still should pay for a woman's basic expenses, open doors, and do other gentlemanly things. Even if I can't be labelled as an extreme feminist (degrading men is just as "misogynistic" as degrading women), I definitely would not be labelled a feminist.


From my perspective, marriage meant something like a barter trade back in the olden days. The women were not allowed to receive education, much less join the workforce dominated by men (though this has changed drastically).


Women needed only to tend to their own business within the house, and be sexually appealing to their husbands, while the men were to slave away for money to be spent for the woman to continue being happy. Failure of the woman to tend to the house or be sexually unappealing meant that she not only failed as a wife, but she also failed as a woman. Failure of the man to give enough money to their wives meant he has failed as a provider.


After years of civil evolution, we've come to a society where men and women work equally not only because they have to, but some of them want to. After all, not all women want to be locked up at home, and to only see daylight when they need to tend to household errands, or when their husbands decide to take them out.


Though women who engage in casual "liaisons" with men are still deemed immoral, it is also more widely accepted, and the word "whore" is used in a much looser context (though that is as detrimental as it is liberating).


In other words, women have been given more freedom to do those that men have done for centuries without being called a failure as a woman, though women are still expected to present themselves in a feminine way, with basic knowledge in fashion, make-up, and composure in different settings (something I'm still trying to get used to).


Personally, I'm a lazy person - when I was younger and was prompted for my plans for the future, I thought of a good life: good-earning husband with the generosity to give me regular luxuries, and all I had to do was look good and provide comfort for his raging testosterone.


As I grew older, I realized that I didn't really like asking people for things or money - having my own money to spend was more liberating than having to go through non-existent psychological guilt that came with asking people (regardless of their relationship with me) for money to be spent on non-survival items.


I didn't mind working, as most of the jobs I've taken on were not bad, given the normal day-to-day irritations that comes with work. In fact, I slowly became a person who didn't mind paying for my own meals on dates, or for paying for my own day-to-day expenses, for that matter.


Given that I would, of course, love to be pampered and not have to worry about how much I'm earning versus how much I spend; but I also believe that I could be an independent woman who doesn't need to completely rely on a man for survival.


Just my two cents. Having people tell me that my husband should be one who can take care of my survival is essential is like telling me I'm too weak to at least provide the basics for myself.

Behind curtains that you never ponder

There are those times in life when you hear about the things you never knew about yourself from others, and often times, the things that I hear are not good ones.


Granted, I've never been a perfect daughter, and I don't think I ever will - active passive-aggressive rebellion is ever present among the many times that I give in to a very suggestive guilt-trip session.


For some peculiar reason, I'm the only one who's cited as the bad example. The reasons are apparent: I'm tattooed (and I plan to get more), I have several unconventional piercings, I swear, I like going out for catch-up/coffee sessions especially at night, I used to openly smoke, I have a not-so-clean relationship history, and I also have a history of self-hate and self-harm.


Other reasons include general ignorance around the house (my bed is a mess, and I seldom help with the housework), my tendency to pick bones with relatives, and my refusal to be the obedient daughter I'm supposed to be.


Like how I confront my sister for giving herself excuses from doing well at school, I'm called out by others for my actions. It's not like I'm failing at school, nor am I on drugs or selling sex - I just don't act like a typical girl who's supposed to be ladylike.


On one hand I try my best to be a martyr, to be the daughter who is boasted about to friends and family; but on the other, I've no more fucks to give, because it's apparent that I won't ever have that special pedestal to be placed upon.


Regardless of how much I try, I'll be the example that everyone uses to tell their daughters not to be - "don't ever turn out to be like her".


I agree - don't ever be as cowardly as I am, to be so afraid to speak up even when you know you're right. Don't be as conforming as I am when you don't feel like it, then cry yourself to sleep because you know you don't have that privilege. Don't keep every emotion to yourself and let the words of others get to you, then allow those negative feelings to eventually consume and distort you in a way that it should never be. Don't ever stop yourself from saying what you feel, at the expense of the principles of others.


I'm not the prettiest flower in the garden, I know that, nor am I the easiest to tend to, but really?


I'm not the only one with ink in the family, neither am I the only who smokes. I prefer to be cooped up in solitude because my communication channels are not in tune with everyone else's, and I prefer to keep my feelings as complete and unhurt as I possibly could, thank you very much.


Others call me ungrateful for saying all this, and perhaps from your perspective, I am the ungrateful child who shouldn't have been born. But here I am, alive and kicking, and I'll continue kicking that door until I get what I want.

Road rant

The size of your car directly correlates to how bully-able you are.


Driving a hatchback which can barely fit 4 people comfortably, pretty much every other car is significantly larger than mine. You could say the Perodua MyVi is a fair equivalent, but they have better height and backseat space.


I would understand if you were tailgating me on the right lane of the highway, because I understand the frustration of putting up with someone driving under the speed limit, or driving even slower than those in the non-speeding lanes.


But to hog both lanes? And switching lanes without so much of a touch of the blinkers or even a glance into the side mirrors? That's just being a bitch. And I'm referring to the dick of an asshole driving a Mercedes CLK from Puchong to Bukit Jalil.


First, swerving from one lane to the other, and wasn't happy when I finally overtook his ass going at 50km/h. Then almost crushing me by thinking I was going to follow the stream of cars up into Bandar Kinrara.


Your way of driving is not matching up to the status of your car. Or perhaps you're just one of those rich bitches who have been permanently blinded to basic things like societal consideration.


And those who insist on going at a snail's pace in front of you, but proceeds to tailgate you and threaten collision when you overtake them. Take a chill pill. You've been driving longer than I have but have to patience for Klang Valley traffic?


Also, to the probational drivers, I know you're new, but please make an effort to drive safely, and park properly. Always straighten your tires before you leave your car, and your doors shouldn't be able to open all the way with extra space from the car next to you - it should open so that you can comfortably get out of the car.


AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, USE YOUR BLINKERS!


Oh, and people like you a lot more when you drive with morals. Everyone hates an asshole on the road.

Suck it up, bitch

As time goes by, we are forced to accept that the world isn't as polished as it is in the movies. Every video clip and movie published is edited, with a lot of parts cut out. Every vlog that you see on YouTube is just a very short snippet of the vlogger's life, and should not be used as a reference to real life.


We only hear dialogues about how people juggle a few jobs at a time, or juggle classes with homework and a tedious job. It's never really portrayed in the open how stressful and sometimes depressing it is to be in the real world.


Even one of the more gritty waitresses in movies get whisked away to a life of luxury, or other aspects of their lives are given the main focus.


Which is why many of us, especially those who have never really been faced with ultimatums, have unrealistic expectations about tertiary education and getting full time jobs.


Semester after semester, we're faced with almost impossible amounts of assignments, but most of these are workable as long as you manage your time well. Each assignment requires a significant amount of research and critical thinking, so if you manage your time accordingly, things will be a breeze.


The tripping stone comes on, however, when a lecturer assumes that since we all are in our last year of university, that he/she can bestow unrealistic expectations upon us. In other words, they think that they're module and assignments are the only ones we have for the entire semester.


Having been through an internship with a company who does their own events, and with one executive handling pretty much everything within that event, I've pretty much come to the realization that these shitty conditions were being put through are real life representatives of what we're up against when we enter the workforce.


Your superiors and bosses will expect you to handle your own time and get thing done, no matter how unreasonable the tasks are. They don't care about how tired you are or how many other deadlines you have to meet - they want it done, and they want it done fast. And they expect you to do all of this with a smile on your face.


As much as I'd like to go on complaining about shitty lecturers who don't teach what they should, we've all to face the fact that we're on our own - no one owes us anything in the real world (of course, unless you're paying about MYR3,000 per semester to be actually taught stuff).


From primary school to high school, my mum focused on having us study and understand the syllabus, rather than have us just wait for the lazy-ass teacher to get off their lazy asses and actually teach and not just hand out notes.


Last semester, we had to come up with our own event, while being led by someone who was always M.I.A and did things on her own without notifying the entire committee. It was hard work for those who actually had to get the event up and running, while cleaning up the messes that came up.


Fortunately, we had help - the event was a partial success, our event objectives not met, and a handful of mishaps during the event day itself that led us stranded with a room full of leftover freebies by sponsors.


We were our own clients, we could change the gameplay whenever we wanted to. However, now we're faced up with an actual client - a potential mogul in the entertainment industry, having their hands in several cookie jars.


The challenge is real, and as much as I want to roll around the floor screaming for them to stop, I can't - this is probably gonna be what we're gonna be up against for the rest of our lives.


It's at this point that I ask myself why I chose to major in Event Management in the first place. On the surface, it seems like a breeze - just gather up a bunch of people to meet the client's needs within the budget, and you get to strut around admiring the masterpiece that you put together.


Job-hunting is something entirely different altogether - we were provided with a list of companies to approach for our internship, but after that we're on our own. Sure, I could go back to that company since I pretty much already know the system, but I thought I'd try my hand at a writing/journalist job...

Life without my phone

This is the perfect example of modern technology ruining lives. LOL


Just recently, my Galaxy Note crashed due to software problems. According to my SO, it's because of an overload of third-party content, i.e. I've been downloading too much stuff that aren't apps. This happened the day after I found out that I could play Clash of Clans using campus Wi-Fi.


The only solution was to reset it to factory settings, but I have a ton of photos and videos in there from vacations and trips that I didn't get to transfer out yet, so I passed the device to someone who could help me attempt to extract the data.


So naturally, I'm without my usual phone. Am currently using a Galaxy Ace (loyal Samsung user kthxbye) which only has WhatsApp, Between, and Facebook Messenger.


It is this point in life that I realize how much my phone is a central to my day-to-day activities.


In other words, my phone used to be my social media machine, and the retainer of my sanity.


While it's a bit refreshing that I'm not tied down with obsessing over how many likes my Instagram posts are getting, it gets a little difficult when I actually wanna do stuff.


I'm so used to the size of my Note that using the Ace is physical and OCD torture. The entire Ace device is the equivalent to less than the screen of the Note. Texting is pretty much hell.


Lesson learned: ALWAYS back up your data.

My current story with Maxis & DiGi

Update: DiGi did call me to inform me about my request being rejected, and the reason for it being an error with my IC number. And calls after 6pm for services mean hardworking staff, from my perspective.


My first hand phone and mobile number were both hand-me-downs from my older sister - a Nokia 2100 (for which I purchased several different covers for), and an old Hotlink number.


I switched that number to DiGi in 2009 because of ... reasons (I got a boyfriend and since we both were using basic candybar phones, we had to actually text instead of WhatsApp, etc, which costed significantly more because we used different service providers).


I purchased another number in about 2011 at the Maxis Centre in The Gardens Mall, because I was in another relationship, and the same situation applies. Little did I know that my address was wrongly registered into Hotlink's system FOR THREE WHOLE YEARS.


A few months ago, I approached Paradigm Mall's DiGi Centre to submit an MNP request, which meant that I applied to have my service provider for my current number switched. I paid MYR10, and after months, there was no effect. That was when I requested to switch to DiGi Prepaid.


This time, I submitted another request to a DiGi Centre at The Mines Shopping Fair, and instead of Prepaid, I opted for the Postpaid 50 Smart Plan - 2GB data allowance, and a number of SMS and calls DiGi-to-DiGi for free, for MYR50 a month; reason being it would finally put an end to my survival on Wi-Fi, and it's easier when I have to call people (most people I know use DiGi, even my mum has switched to using DiGi).


I also asked the distracted young staff behind the counter how long it would take, and she told me it would take about 24 hours.


24 hours came and went. Knowing how Malaysian companies work, I gave it a week, since I also looked up some FAQ on DiGi's website and it was stated there that it could take up to 7 days to submit the request.


A week also came and went, and I finally picked up enough guts to call the DiGi helpline (I'm socially anxious that way LOL). I was put on hold for about 10 minutes, and after a few confirmation and verification procedures, I was told that my request was rejected, and the cause may be due to a wrong input of my IC number format by Maxis, and I had to call to confirm.


Called Maxis, was almost immediately connected, and after another few rounds of confirmations and verification procedures, I was told that my address is wrong, and to update it, I had to call Hotlink.


And call Hotlink I did, and I was attended to by a service staff who didn't bother separating his words. He sounded like,

"Alright,miss,letmereconfirmyournumbertobe012xxxxxxxandthepurposeofyourcalltodayistoupdateyourhouseaddress?CanIputyouonholdwhileIcheckourdatabaseandservice?Thankyou."

A brief while later, I was told that I had to proceed to a Maxis Centre to get this done. While I don't mind physically going out to get things done, why are there so few Maxis Centres in Kuala Lumpur and Selangor. The nearest one in KL is in The Gardens, and the most convenient one in Selangor is in Sunway Pyramid.


Firstly... How is it possible that the system has different IC number formats? The staff at DiGi told me it might be the presence or absence of dashes in between the different sections of the number. I thought there was a standard in format for IC number registration? At least there should be.


And Maxis, addresses are registered in reference to my IC, which is printed in sans serif block letters. And even if I were to write down my house number, "97" is no where near "83". Kudos to you on how you managed to fuck that up.


Also, I think it would be a good idea to have some sort of notification system should the request be rejected? Like through an alternate number, or via email. Would be much better than feeling significantly frustrated and nervous about having to call the helpline (again, I apologize for being a wuss).


So much trouble... just for one number.

Legal cigarettes vs. illegal cigarettes

To be honest, I wouldn't be able to tell them apart. I'm a person to usually go with the more widespread brands for any product, and any brand of product which has a less familiar packaging would not be my purchasing choice.


However, cigarettes are still cigarettes. You can argue that the increased amounts of chemicals, or presence of illegal substances in some brands increases the danger of smoking. I'm not in the health industry, neither am I interested in the manufacture of cigarettes, so I can neither refute nor confirm the argument presented. Even when there has been official reports on national newspapers about this matter, I still think it's incredulous. Again, not an expert.


My two cents is that they're cigarettes anyway. Personally, I like how smoking gudang garam seems more exciting than normal cigarettes. I prefer white filters over orange filter because they look more expensive and less samseng to me. Oh, and I dig, Dunhill over Marlboro - both ice.


Not trying to be sarcastic, but I could also argue that slim cigarettes are safer in a sense that you get the mental satisfaction of smoking one cigarette, but it's quantity of tobacco and thus chemicals is less than the conventional cigarette, making it a "healthier" smoking alternative.


Also, I could argue that light and menthol cigarettes are less hazardous than conventional cigarettes because they contain less chemicals for a lighter smoking experience and more menthol in place of other chemicals respectively.


With that said, I am no expert - I smoked for about a year and a half, switching from Marlboro Ice, to Pall Mall Mint, back to Marlboro, then switching to Dunhill when I tried and preferred the taste versus Marlboro, as well as Mevius, League Green, gudang garam, and Winston (which I detest) occasionally.


There are reasons why the government chose to make tobacco manufacturers put disgusting images of deformities on cigarette boxes - because they are dangerous and harmful nonetheless (though I still prefer Dunhill).


Just as a disclaimer, I am not encouraging smoking. I used to smoke, and now occasionally take puffs, but I'm not glamorizing it as a cool thing to do, or even close to healthy, for that matter.

Why Asian parenting and Western ideals of freedom shouldn't mix

Before you dive into a deep hole of criticism about my logic, hear me out. My perception, knowledge, and direction of approach may differ from others.


In my perception, the bottom line of Asian parenting is teaching your child to be obedient, loyal and responsible - the words of your elders are ultimate, be responsible and loyal to your family who raised you, be responsible at your job and make lots of money, and basically please everyone, and let everyone else walk all over you for the entirety of your life, all in the name of peace.


Low-key should be how life should be lived, in many aspects. Humility is a praised trait, and being conservative is expected. Basically, you blend into daily life as smoothly as the flowing water. You should never be proud or boastful, and always adhere to tradition and norms. Violation of which would lead to dishonor.


America isn't called the land of freedom for nothing - Americans fight for and in the very name of freedom. In general, Americans and Europeans emphasize freedom as a basic need and human right. Freedom of speech, action, thought, religion, and everything else, as is the freedom of speaking up for yourself.


Life should be lived with zeal, and they believe in fulfilling their own dreams. Parents who allow their children to continue living with them past the age of 21 are considered spoiling their children. Legal issues involving children demanding things from their parents in the name of freedom are increasingly common, but the ideal of freedom makes its leak to the Eastern parts of the earth anyway.


When you mix these two together, you get very confused children. Imagine you're an Asian kid who spent his childhood meddling in the media of the West - your parents tell you to listen to everyone, get the highest-paying major and career, and start saving up for your future children's future; but every other American movie tells you to follow your dreams, even if your parents disagree with it.


You get what I mean? You were raised with the "never talk back" concept, but you're encouraged to speak up for yourself. It's confusing, and painful.


Of course, you can't have everything. Each person has their own story, and each story isn't like the novels we read - they don't always have happy endings, and the emotions are seldom as aloft as the novels portray them. Perhaps emotions are better understood when they are felt, and descriptions never suffice.


My story is that I was raised with semi-traditional Chinese family values - respect your elders, listen to them, don't talk back, keep your opinions to yourself, the typical conservative aspects. But I exposed myself more to the ideals of the West, of freedom, ambition, and self-righteousness.


And as with every other modern human, I had my share of load juggling - the typical sibling rivalry, the long-term absence of my father as he worked abroad for a better life for us, the pressure of keeping up with my education, and peer pressure. As I grew up, of course, expectations were heightened, and my horizons slowly expanded, in directions that were deemed not too agreeable by traditional Asian standards.


So, you could describe my situation this way: I'm told to listen to everyone, obey everyone, but I found the concept of freedom more exciting. Even when I knew my mother would likely object, I did things anyway.


Another thing about the different ideals... The Asians typically believe in just keeping quiet about things and letting things mellow over time to preserve peace; while Western logic orients around being vocal but civilized whenever there is dissatisfaction or disagreement.


When you combine the two, what you get is a big pot of confusion. Encouraging the voicing of opinions but hacking them down with statements suggesting that they should have just swallowed it isn't really helpful.


Sometimes, things are the way they are for a reason, and they never mixed for a reason. While globalization is a good thing that encourages for wider acceptance of different cultures, some traditions and ideals should remain untouched by others.

Articulation VS Context

There are many words that are interchangeable within each language itself, but there are also words that should stay isolated to themselves, because even if they mean the same thing, the context in which the words are used present different meanings. Especially in such a society of scrutiny, one mistake in articulation could provoke a lawsuit.


For example, the word "false" and the word "faux". Faux is the French word that means false. However, these words are seldom interchangeable, as it would be quite offensive to address a prized faux fur coat as a false fur coat. Likewise, you can't fauxly accuse someone of a crime.


Let's bring in another word with a little bit of a heavier meaning. A slut and a whore may seem the same thing, and they are usually used hand-in-hand. However, a whore is someone who actually makes a living from her sexual encounters, while a slut is just a woman with the morals of a man.


Similarly, a transgender individual and an effeminate male are two completely different individuals. Just because of religious or faithful opinions, you can't merge them together.


I've pretty much never had a problem with people within the LGBT community. People are entitled to being comfortable with being themselves. Being brought up in a pretty traditional Chinese family, homosexuality was taboo, and boys who were effeminate would be cruelly made fun of.


One of these boys that I cruelly took part in bullying turned out to be one of my best friends, sharing passions for Japanese culture, cats, and make-up. There are only a few whom I reach out to during my darkest and most confused and afraid of times - he is one of them, though I've come to open up more than I ever have with my current partner.


Social media and university has further opened my eyes to the LGBT community, and I find that it's harder and harder to stomach how so many people are still anti-LGBT, and some go as far as to boycott an incredible talent JUST BECAUSE they act different than everyone else.


We keep telling each other "to each his own", and everyone's different. I find that for the LGBT community, they're their own unique type of different - they're no different than anyone of us, because they too are their own limited edition.


I'm writing this not meaning to offend anyone, but I had someone address my best friend as an "ah gua", which translates into transgender in common Cantonese. All in all, what I'm just trying to say is that some words are best left to be used in their respective contexts. And I'd be really grateful if people pointed out some mistakes that I make myself in this field of vocabulary.

自卑

再等多三个月十天

我就变成人21岁了

他们说人与人之间

每隔4年才有个代沟

但是怎么觉得好像隔2年也有代沟？

可能是自己的问题

思想的幼稚配不上年龄的成熟

现在的小孩不到凌晨不回家

都不会遭父母的挨骂

现在的小孩13岁开始又烟又酒

父母们都若无其事

现在的小孩化浓妆上课

已经是司空见惯的事情

现在的小孩没有经验过赚钱的辛苦

却花钱如水

现在的小孩书都还没读完就怀孕结婚

已经变成了人之常情的事情

每个人都曾年轻

每个人都有承受过要被认可与接受的压力

但是我18岁才开始熟悉的事情

已经变成了小学生的每天

大学已经占有了我人生里4年了

经验却没有一个19岁的女生多

夜街是偷偷出的

去rave是瞒天过海才去到的

酒吧夜总会是对我陌生的

香烟水烟是刚满20岁才尝试的

不好听是没自由

事实上

是我母亲教得我们好

烟酒出口虽然是自己学回来

但妈总是协助我

看清人生所重要的

学业、口才、基本的生存技巧

重要的

不是去过多少次夜总会

不是去过多少个标价过高的咖啡厅

而是对自己

心灵与良心的满足

来日方长

要经验的话

就一定有机会

但是目前

就是要以学业为重

Money is the root of modern problems

I've come to realize that my blog is more active when finals are near. Perhaps it's because I'm so insistent to put off studying that I'd find more things to do, hence, I have more things to blog about. And usually, posts like these come out to be a huge jumble of incoherent thoughts.


I got my first job at around 15, but that job was pretty much an administrative/office job at a relative's office, so I didn't have to worry about the resume, the ass-kissing, all that. I always got my salary on time, which - at that time - was like a bonus to me, because it was more money during my school holidays.


My next job was when I just graduated high school, and was waiting for my exam results to be released. Instead of enrolling in a course ahead of time, then risk having to go through all the paper work to change courses because of qualification complications, I found a job at a cafe/restaurant 5 minutes away from home. It was the job that really challenged my patience and tolerance, and it was the (only) job that provided me with the satisfaction that comes at the end of a day of long and tedious work; and the job that showed me that earning money isn't easy.


I'll continue to say that I'm still on a monthly allowance, with gas and toll fees paid for. So to say that I'm financially independent would be blatant lying. I've always had an extra allowance while I worked every job (except for my internship, where I survived on partial charity, meager savings, and a stop on cigarette purchases).


For all the work that was done, and the little earnings I got that went straight into the bank... well, let's say I think for ages before spending on anything, even food.


I went for dinner and coffee at Mont Kiara earlier, and for those who don't know, Mont Kiara could be considered one of the places where the rich people hang out, because ... it's the place where many expatriates live, and all the expensive condos that are bigger than my own double-storey are pretty much there.


After coffee at LewisGene (I'd only commend the ambiance - too expensive for mediocre coffee), we headed back to the parking lot, not forgetting a trip to the loo. Within the tiny, dark-tiled room that they call a washroom, I encountered a group of four girls - dolled up for the night, and by the looks of it, are rich enough to afford regular visits to beauty salons.


Now, I see these girls often enough on campus, and they don't bother me. I was in my tattered denim shorts and a tee, with my hair pulled back into a high ponytail. My fringe isn't long enough, so after a while, hairs will start falling to my face. In other words, I looked like a mess.


When I was done with my business and proceeded to the sink, I felt four pairs of eyes scrutinize me, and I felt sneers and scoffs. I was so self-conscious because I suddenly realized that I didn't fit into this part of society. As much as I want to be rich and recognized, my casual attitude toward dressing up didn't fit.


Well, I'd dare say that all girls want to be pretty - who in the world doesn't want to look their best? Sure, I'd love regular visits to nail parlors, spas, hair salons, and pretty boutiques. I'd love to spend my weekends throwing my money away on food that has been jacked-up 500%. I'd want my appearance to be perfect, and all my photos and check-ins to be at the hip places in town.


But I know how hard it is to earn money. I know how much hard work, frustration, and putting up with bullshit goes into that little bit of money that isn't even enough to pay for daily meals, let alone luxuries. Sure, I could just stick my palm at my mother and ask for money to pay for something that I don't need, but that is just wrong.


A lot of us are too pampered now - we get basically everything we want, because our parents grew up with almost nothing because their parents couldn't afford it, and now they want to give us the life that they never had.


At the drop of a hat, cash is handed over, then spent within seconds, on things that end up vanishing as quickly as it was bought. Few youngsters now are exposed to actually having to work for their money, and thus, the perception on the value of money has vanished.


While I spent most of my childhood and adolescence going through several hand-me-downs, and DIY-ing practically everything; a lot of other girls and guys had brand new items on request. Sure, I'd want that Michael Kors bag as much as you do, but I have a fake Longchamp that works well enough for me.


I guess what I'm trying to say is that too many people are so spoiled that money means nothing to them - it grows on trees for them. I'd have to argue with myself for a week to decide on whether I should get some Starbucks, or heck, even Chatime, but others can pay for a cup of MYR30 coffee just to check-in at the location.


I'm slowly losing faith in humanity...

Judging

I am, by no means, the most decent of girls.


Desperate to fit in during my high school years made me adopt anything that was common, which included an array of Chinese foul language, which added to my Thesaurus of English foul language. It became, unfortunately, a habit, which still prevails till today. In a way, it's some how people call me "real", because I "don't wear a mask of faux innocence". It's also a flaw that people use against me, to demoralize me since I could be "careless in my articulation".


I take pride in my tattoos and piercings. Regardless of the prejudices that entail both of these most common forms of body modifications, I show them off like I would show off a branded bag or a well-chosen outfit, because there aren't many Asian girls who would be acceptable to tattooes (even if that's slowly changing). The most visible one is my clavicle tattoo, which isn't a typical heart, or star, or some slutty design. It's a quote and philosophy that I'm still learning to incorporate into my mentality. And even if it is some foul language in another language, at least it looks decent. Even so, it's still something people use to judge - if you have tattoos, you must be in a gang, or must be real easy.


While I agree that first impressions play a significant role in a person's attitude towards you, this is just the surface. I can guarantee you that I'm not the most gracious or well-mannered type of people, but I'm seldom a douche with no consideration for others.


I also believe that judging is a part of human nature, no matter how much we preach to others not to judge. But leave the judging of my character to after you've started a conversation with me - judge me after you've known me, not before we've even exchanged greetings.


If you must, judge away - your opinions are none of my concern, but to pressure someone else into conforming with your mentality... makes me lose respect for you.

Rant: English

It's not like we never went for English classes in school. I'm Chinese-educated, but my English didn't suffer, and neither did my Chinese.


From primary school all the way into university, we're taught BASIC GRAMMAR. Past tense. Present tense. Future tense. Nouns. Adjectives. Verbs. All that bullshit. Every single year it's almost the same goddamn thing, and yet somehow, people still manage to mess up.


Not using the language on a daily basis is not an excuse. You read, don't you? You listen to music, don't you? You watch movies, don't you? You can't bloody rely on subtitles and lyric translations for the rest of your life.


It appalls me how so many people can still manage to confuse singular and plural nouns. While I can understand it and accept it in day to day speech, it makes me wanna claw at my scalp when this happens in academic writing and professional presentations.


I mean, really? Don't you take pride in how you present yourself? Even if your pronunciation is off, your grammar plays a big role in giving a good impression. I wouldn't consider someone with bad language as a professional.


For young children, fine. They're still young and learning, they can be corrected and taught. C'mon. You've been alive and in touch with the language for over two decades. For the sake of your own future, please? It's embarrassing and unprofessional.


It doesn't matter how good you are in another language - if you fail in another language, especially in a franca lingua, you fail anyway.

Me vs. Materialism

I usually make do with what I have - need a bag? Get a cheap one from a generic store. A wallet? Cute one from a street vendor or mall booth. Need clothes? PLATINUM MALL, BABY! My current Longchamp is MYR10-15 from Bangkok. Most of my clothes are from Bangkok. Most others are gifts and/or hand-me-downs (including my current wallet).


As long as it's usable and looks nice, I don't really mind. This makes me proud to tell people two things: 1. I don't need things to be branded; and 2. since I don't have many branded items, one or two branded items under my ownership makes me feel glam already.


But sometimes... Just sometimes, seeing other girls with Pandora accessories and pretty Chanel or Michael Kors bangs, or just Charles & Keith shoes makes me crave for them. Do I need them? No. But do I want them? Hell, yes.


I draw the line in between need and want here. I don't need them, but I crave them. Materialistic? Yes. But this doesn't contribute directly to my survival. I have what I need, but humans usually want what they don't have.


I don't have bags that cost more than my tuition fees per semester. I don't have sandals that cost more than my allowance for a month. I can count the number of clothes that cost over 10 pieces of clothing from Bangkok.


Not all girls are materialistic bitches who was born with the cash chromosome, but we do like to be pampered. We like pretty things and to make our friends go green with envy with our limited edition items. We like how we make people's heads turn with that brand new branded bag.


I'll get that in due time. Right now, I'm happy with my baby Neo, my fake Longchamp, and my noisy rubber flats from Bangkok.