Tormentum

She held him close. The feeling of his bareback against her naked body was so magnificent. Her fingers and palms traced his lightly chiseled muscles, skimming his chest, abdomen, barely wandering to the crease at the thighs.

He took a puff from his cigarette, feeling her breasts press against his back has he inhaled. Her arms tightened slightly around him as he blew out a cloud of smoke, concealing them in a shroud in the dimly lit room. He felt his skin tingle at every point where her body touched his skin, especially where her cold wedding ring pressed momentarily on his chest, but it was a confusing feeling – a feeling of satisfaction, and detachment.

It’d been a month since they’d seen each other – his work often brought him to places, always for months at a time. He’d been able to come back early this time, but his mind was still lingering in that city of foreign lights and people…

He put out the cigarette with a sigh.

He felt her raise her cheek from his body, her arms tensing slightly, as if sensing something wrong.

He assured her he was just tired from all the work and travelling. She seemed sceptical, but gave him a soft kiss at the base of his neck anyway, and pressed her cheek slightly left to where she had it previously.

She was so blissful he was back that she ignored the nagging feeling that something changed in him. Perhaps he was affected by the culture? Perhaps he was really just tired from the travelling? All that didn’t matter – he was back with her, with an intricate gift from that foreign country, and he’d loved her as passionately as he did.

Somewhere in the corner of the room, his phone lit up. She noticed it too, but he made no movement to reach for it as he usually did. She noted this oddity, but pushed it to the back of her mind.

She whispered his name before a light kiss on his back. She was pregnant with their child, and she exclaimed how blessed she felt, to be finally bestowed this gift of love.

He responded in a way that every married man would when he was about to become a father – he embraced her, muttering words of gratefulness, giving her loving kisses. In his mind was a war of conflicting feelings.

He rose to take the ashtray and his cigarettes out of the room and open the windows a little, and went back to embracing her.

As they lay down to sleep, his arms around her body and his nose in her hair, he told himself she didn’t need to know. She didn’t need to have her heartbroken knowing that he found the woman of his dreams in the foreign land. She didn’t need to know that the text was her asking if he’d told her that he wanted a divorce.

No one needed to know, and life would continue the way it had before he went away.

About 7 men that women dislike

Now, I'm by no means an expert in the dealings between men and women, but I personally feel that I've met my small share of men - gentlemen and douches alike. Those of my same age, as well as those with many years in between each other.


Now we'll be talking about the 7 men that women dislike - most of these apply to actual women (though I admit, not all "women" act like actual mature adults, and that includes myself), while some of them also apply to the younger demographic of ladies.


1. The false-hope guy

There's this guy you're head over heels for, and he flirts endlessly with you. He brings you out for "dates", you meet his friends, he shares his problems with you, and calls you endearing names like "baby" or "honey". He knows you're into him, and you think he has reciprocal feelings for you, but as time goes on and your decision to make you into "something" becomes more solid, his actions tell you another story.

He's going out with other girls, you see his Facebook comments with endearing names for other girls, he ignores you for weeks at a time and pops out of nowhere asking to hang out (and this usually entails the date-like couple activities). You've asked him about his feelings for you, and he either directly tells you or suggests to you that he's also into you, and so you tread on.

Finally one day, he tells you he wants nothing more than just friendship for you. This was either because he thought you were a good listener, or was just someone who was there when he needed someone. Either way, these people break hearts, whether they mean to or not.

To girls, if he's endearing to you today but is cold to you the next day, it's time to start to back off, 'cause there's a really high chance that he's this kind of guy. To guys, you're either into her, or you're not - don't give her hints and suggestions. Don't say "maybe", or "if it's meant to happen, it will happen" - that's just heartbreaking. Keep things in the friendzone if you're not sure of your own feelings.


2. The philanderer

Most people will know this guy more commonly as "the playboy". He flirts around, messes around, and/or sleeps around, regardless if he's pursuing a target, or even if he's taken. To many of these, their logic is that they're still young, or that as long as they're not married, it's their god-given right to go around trying to reproduce with as many women as possible (the primal-man survival excuse).

This guy would probably be easier to spot than the false-hope guy, but it doesn't make it any less hurtful. Humans were oriented to desire what they can't obtain, and in females, we aim for the "bad boys" because they display traits of strength to survive the wild.

Steer clear of these guys, because they won't settle unless they want to. Save yourself the heartbreak.


3. The excuses guy

He has a reason (more accurately speaking: excuse) - usually deeply psychological and emotional - for EVERYTHING he does, be it not replying to your text, or eating his noodles in a particular way. I once met this guy, who told me that he didn't need to care about how other people felt when he behaved in a certain way outside of work, because no one cared how he felt while he was growing up.

Now, in my opinion, if my logic followed that pathway, I'd have no friends now - I could say that no one remembers my birthday, so I don't need to bother with anyone else's; I could say it's logical for me to be a total bitch because my emotional needs weren't fulfilled as a child and as a person. These people are the most frustrating, because nothing you do could change the way they think, that they're entitled to their behavior just because they feel hurt or dejected or emotionally incomplete in some way.

To you guys who are like that: man up and grow a pair.


4. The fling-and-sing guy

Now I didn't grow up extremely religious, so watching porn before marriage isn't a sin to me. I've met my share of guys who wanted only intimacy, and under special circumstances, I joined them individually.

I really don't mind it when people tell other people about what I do, because if I'm daring enough to do that, I'm daring enough to own up to it. But for chrissake, I thought it's the unwritten rule that any detail revealed to any other party has to be agreed upon by the two originally involved parties!

I don't need things kept wrapped in industrial-strength tin foil then overlaid with cement, then laid over with bricks and a titanium wall, but one shouldn't be a broadcasting system and tell the world, especially when it hasn't been agreed upon by the other party that you could have it broadcast.

One such guy told me that I "should be mature enough to know how to just play along". I don't mind playing, and since I don't mind playing, I don't mind dealing with the direct consequences; but there is a clearly drawn line to every fling, and it would be very wise to always play within that line.


5. The "my ego is bigger than my penis" guy

He needs to be macho 24/7. He won't hold your hand, he won't kiss you in public, but he'll do everything else that will somehow enhance his "machoness" - insisting on picking you up, holding your bags (except your feminine Longchamp or what have you), picking up the tab (even if it means taking the cash from your purse/wallet and handing it to the waiter/waitress himself).

These people are frustrating. I'm a student, and my current boyfriend is too, which means we have little or no source of income, so I'm not really keen about the "guys should pick up the tab" culture - we go Dutch, regardless of whether we split the bill on the spot, or pay for meals or dates alternatively. Guys like these would almost never tolerate even a girl taking out their purse, much less taking cash out of it to pay for whatever.

He wouldn't cuddle or buy flowers or anything, because it's degrading to his manhood. Well, personally, I won't demand my boyfriend to walk around holding a giant teddy bear, or a bouquet of flowers, but if he can't tolerate a quick peck on the lips in public, your ego is bigger than your head, and sorry, no can't do.


6. The clingy guy

As with the clingy girls, they're overly dependent and can't stand having their SO away from them for more than 5 minutes. Characteristics? Constant inquiries about where you are, who you're with, what you're doing (doesn't apply to all) - all this irregardless of the time of day. Also, constant text messages and/or calls are dominant, whether or not there is any actual substantial content in the "conversations".

Whether it's dominance, or just that they're so insecure that they need to make sure that you're in love with them at every possible minute, that depends on the individual. However, having a significant other who won't leave you alone whether you're/he's at work, or just taking a dump is just suffocating.

And let's face it, regardless of how independent we women would like to see ourselves (or actually are), a clingy guy/man is just a turn-off. The hugs and kisses and cuddles and random texts, yes - but not 24/7. I believe that no matter how much a couple is in love/infatuated with each other, they need their own space - I need my space for my friends and life, and so does he. Having to feel the need to be in each other's life 24/7 is a pain in the arse.


7. The domineering guy

Over the years and years of evolution, it's been more or less built-in instinct in us already that the males take the lead - they initiate contact, they fight for survival, they control the female and child population because they're the ones earning the daily bread.

While I still agree that some dominance should be present in a guy/man (without which, is equal to a pussy), over-dominance will turn most women off. Why I say "most women" is because some women feel more comfortable with a domineering man by her side.

That said, most other women would hate a guy who feels the need to constantly monitor and control her activities. He might seem similar to the clingy guy, but the clingy guy only clings - he asks, gets jealous like a girl, and is mostly just annoying. The dominant is intent on controlling you and your life as a being - though the seriousness varies, most cases involve text message monitoring, confrontations about the people you hang out with and the things that you do, and direct involvement in your decision-making processes.

He will interrupt what you're doing to inject his own opinion into your decisions, whether you've invited him to or not. While I understand where this trait comes from, everything boils down to self-control - in this generation of gender equality, women prefer it when you respect them enough to give them their own space and time to control their own life. They don't need someone else taking the reins to what's theirs.

~

I do realize that this article is pretty much bigoted and one-sided, but hey, it's true to some degree.

To share, or not to share?

I was listening to the radio in the campus parking lot today, and this is they morning topic the radio DJs Jack and Yoon were discussing:

男人是不是应该跟他的另一半诉苦？

A man should share his problems with his partner?

There were many callers who called in to share their opinions, all who are guys. Even Jack himself thought that men shouldn't, because their partners won't be able to solve the problem, and two worrying is worse than one. And a touch related to ego, but that wasn't much revealed in the conversations.


I can speak for a certain group of ladies, as well as men. No generalization intended, but this is a topic that has come up a few times long before this, and many people have many different opinions. I'm gonna write about my opinion, as with all my other blog posts. =D

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From a guy's perspective (again, in my opinion), I think they will be more likely to either a) share it with his guy friends, or b) keep it to himself. I've come across various guys: those who prefer to keep it to themselves, those who would only share it with family or his partner, and those who will share with a select handful of friends.


Somehow, this topic links to ego. It's not stereotyping, it's just pretty much automatic. Maybe some guys think, "if I share my problems with her, she'll think I'm so weak that I can't even take care of my own problems".


And I've also known guys who were really calculative with their partners - "I don't share my problems with you so that you don't have to burden, and you should do the same". Then where's the communication? The key to a relationship is communication, and if your partner can't even take a teeny bit of your burden, then you should find someone else.


Some guys, including one who called in, however, thought that sharing problems would be alright - as long as you don't do it every single day for every single little thing.


Now for the girls' perspective - I believe many girls are resenting the fact that their partners would prefer to take up the "big man" role and refuse to let their partner know of any hint of their problems. To these kind of guys, I would think: "then why am I your partner?"


I realize that sometimes, girls really can't help solve the problem, and might potentially add more oil to the flames. Sometimes, we all need some comfort before facing our problems - pretty much the same concept here: you share the problem with your partner, she does what she can (maybe she can help you solve you problem?), and everyone's happy~


Well, that's one way to look at it. I personally would prefer if my partner would share some, if not all, of his thoughts with me. I do know that it's impossible for him to reveal EVERYTHING, but I would appreciate the fact that he trusts me enough with his problems, and will turn to me for comfort.


That's how I perceive it. Everything in moderation - sharing of problems included. People who share their problems to the world on a daily basis (that includes me, by the way) get really annoying, and especially if a guy were to do that ... well, I'd basically think he was an attention seeker, or something. I think we can rephrase it as a lack of masculine charm.


I guess it also has to do with method of delivery: some guys whine, while some of them just talk. I mean, complaining isn't bad, but too much of it (referring to myself, problem identified, finding solution) just is annoying, and it kinda shows that the guy is too much of a sissy to know when to shut up and stop whining.


On the other hand, though, I do appreciate sharing. I would be the kind who would want to share every moment with everyone, especially my partner. I guess it wouldn't be too ridiculous that I would expect him to do the same for me. With boundaries, of course - even I have things that I would prefer to keep private.


In conclusion, I think a balance is what we need (inner Libra kicking in). The guys should be a little more trusting, relaxed, less egoist, what have you, and share a little more with their partners.


Girls? Try to understand that guys and girls have completely different sets of logic and thus, priorities would inevitably vary. If your guy prefers not to share, then let him be, but be there for him, just in case. =D


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By the way, I'm just ranting. I'm half asleep right now - my mind isn't really working, but my body refuses to rest. Bear with me~