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Thursday, December 27, 2012

クリスマス

Christmas isn't something I really look forward to, because my family doesn't exactly celebrate Christmas, and the amount of Christmas carols being played all over the place are just OVERWHELMING.


With one exception, this year.



Ken Min was having some pre-Christmas blues and sent me this song. It's been a really long while since I last listened to EXILE. The only song I have from them is Toki no Kakera (Pieces of Time), and that was from eons ago.


The song got me hooked, though I have no idea how the entire song goes, or what the lyrics are. Up till now, this is the only Christmas carol that hasn't got on my nerves.


Before Christmas day itself, I had a few days which were packed. On the 22nd (which was actually Day 1 of Comic Fiesta), I helped out backstage doing make-up for some of the girls who were gonna be performing for their Performing Arts final showcase. Half of my day was occupied by using up my liquid liner, as well as dark shadows. Super fun day~


23rd was the second day of Comic Fiesta, and I went with Ken Min and Kah Yeng. We basically spent most of the day there, and for a few days after that, kept talking about a group cosplay next year. Hope that one will turn out okay~


On the 24th, I went with a couple of friends for my HPV vaccination. That stupid injection kept gnawing at my arm for a few days. On Christmas day itself, however... My Christmas was completely uneventful, unless you count a trip to the newly opened Baskin Robbins near my house.


Instead of being jolly and celebrating like everyone else, Christmas this year, for me, was quite solemn. I think it's because I'm single this Christmas, and I never really imagined that I would be single in the first place. A merry holiday suddenly became like a forced session of reflection.


Despite my desire to blame everything on the opposite party for my single-ness, I can't help but accept the fact that it was also my fault that things turned out the way they did. Unconsciously, scenario after scenario started playing in my head - what if I didn't do that? What if I kept that to myself? What if I was more like that?


From what I know he is also still single, but it makes me kinda sad that he's now much, much happier without me. He's met his dream band, and basically his life seems more eventful than mine. Once or twice, the thought of asking for him back popped into my head, but I realized that it's practically impossible, and don't I have any shame, asking the same guy back twice? Guess I just have to live with the fact that I almost literally shoved him out of my own life by my own doing.


Having other crushes temporarily pushed him out of my mind for a while, but at the end of the day, I stare at my own ceiling and replay our memories. It hurts like fuck when I do that, but then again I've always been masochistic.


By observation, my life is definitely more eventful than his, but everything just seems so empty for me. Everything now just passes by without really registering itself completely in my brain. Everything somehow links itself to some memory from the past. Oh, well.

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