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Thursday, November 29, 2012

To share, or not to share?

I was listening to the radio in the campus parking lot today, and this is they morning topic the radio DJs Jack and Yoon were discussing:

A man should share his problems with his partner?

There were many callers who called in to share their opinions, all who are guys. Even Jack himself thought that men shouldn't, because their partners won't be able to solve the problem, and two worrying is worse than one. And a touch related to ego, but that wasn't much revealed in the conversations.

I can speak for a certain group of ladies, as well as men. No generalization intended, but this is a topic that has come up a few times long before this, and many people have many different opinions. I'm gonna write about my opinion, as with all my other blog posts. =D


From a guy's perspective (again, in my opinion), I think they will be more likely to either a) share it with his guy friends, or b) keep it to himself. I've come across various guys: those who prefer to keep it to themselves, those who would only share it with family or his partner, and those who will share with a select handful of friends.

Somehow, this topic links to ego. It's not stereotyping, it's just pretty much automatic. Maybe some guys think, "if I share my problems with her, she'll think I'm so weak that I can't even take care of my own problems".

And I've also known guys who were really calculative with their partners - "I don't share my problems with you so that you don't have to burden, and you should do the same". Then where's the communication? The key to a relationship is communication, and if your partner can't even take a teeny bit of your burden, then you should find someone else.

Some guys, including one who called in, however, thought that sharing problems would be alright - as long as you don't do it every single day for every single little thing.

Now for the girls' perspective - I believe many girls are resenting the fact that their partners would prefer to take up the "big man" role and refuse to let their partner know of any hint of their problems. To these kind of guys, I would think: "then why am I your partner?"

I realize that sometimes, girls really can't help solve the problem, and might potentially add more oil to the flames. Sometimes, we all need some comfort before facing our problems - pretty much the same concept here: you share the problem with your partner, she does what she can (maybe she can help you solve you problem?), and everyone's happy~

Well, that's one way to look at it. I personally would prefer if my partner would share some, if not all, of his thoughts with me. I do know that it's impossible for him to reveal EVERYTHING, but I would appreciate the fact that he trusts me enough with his problems, and will turn to me for comfort.

That's how I perceive it. Everything in moderation - sharing of problems included. People who share their problems to the world on a daily basis (that includes me, by the way) get really annoying, and especially if a guy were to do that ... well, I'd basically think he was an attention seeker, or something. I think we can rephrase it as a lack of masculine charm.

I guess it also has to do with method of delivery: some guys whine, while some of them just talk. I mean, complaining isn't bad, but too much of it (referring to myself, problem identified, finding solution) just is annoying, and it kinda shows that the guy is too much of a sissy to know when to shut up and stop whining.

On the other hand, though, I do appreciate sharing. I would be the kind who would want to share every moment with everyone, especially my partner. I guess it wouldn't be too ridiculous that I would expect him to do the same for me. With boundaries, of course - even I have things that I would prefer to keep private.

In conclusion, I think a balance is what we need (inner Libra kicking in). The guys should be a little more trusting, relaxed, less egoist, what have you, and share a little more with their partners.

Girls? Try to understand that guys and girls have completely different sets of logic and thus, priorities would inevitably vary. If your guy prefers not to share, then let him be, but be there for him, just in case. =D


By the way, I'm just ranting. I'm half asleep right now - my mind isn't really working, but my body refuses to rest. Bear with me~

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