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Fitness log?

I don't call myself a hardcore exercise freak, but it's a real different since I did virtually no exercise in the past, and now I'm going to the gym at least twice a week.


I think the motivation comes from just wanting to be slim, and have the perfect flat tummy which will soon be accessorized with a belly piercing~


For now, I go to the gym every Monday and Friday, before classes, and usually what I'd do is take an approximate-hour run (around 5km), a 10 minute bicycle session, and about 15 minutes of weight lifting (on the lift and dip assist machine).


Today I went for an hour-long swim, which ended up as kind of a body evaluation round. My cardio still sucked like normal, but my muscular resistance was much higher. In a nutshell, a good workout! I couldn't feel my thighs after that, though...

Kept thoughts...

I saw it coming, but I was just reluctant to let go of something that gave me so many beautiful memories. I guess I was prepped - after three months of dragging, I should've had moved on sooner.


But I didn't. Why? Well, perhaps I really thought that we still had a chance together, or at least I tricked myself into thinking that. If he really did love me enough to want me back, why would he have to take so long?


I'm not upset because he's no longer a part of my life (heck, he said 'friends' but is now MIA), but rather upset about the fact that he didn't have the balls to just tell me he no longer wanted a relationship with me. We were both selfish, but he more so, in my opinion. He would have rather let me continue hurting in the long term, than just dropping the bomb on me and allowing me to move on sooner.


I'll be honest, I do miss those sweet days, where we held hands, hugged each other, and kissed. But then again, my sister was right - our personalities (attention-needing) does not match with people who think that their partner asks for too much when all they wanted was attention.


Perhaps it's just a different mentality altogether - men and women's logic differ from each other. Although on certain matters my mentality is more masculine-oriented, in general I'm still the emotion-oriented girl.


If I see you again... I dunno. I might call you a wuss to your face, I might act cold, or I might just act like your friend. But to be honest, I really hope than one day loneliness will haunt you, and you would regret the very decision of letting me go.


I didn't ask for riches, nor did I ask for frequent dates. All I needed is your attention, to be able to meet up with you often. We didn't even have to go for a formal date - if other even more busy and stressed people could take the time to have a quick lunch with their partners, why can't you?


It's all a matter of time and duty management. Yes, accompanying your father is part of your filial duty. However, I did not ask you to leave him, nor did I try to claim you as my own. Or maybe it's just like you said yourself, you're just too damn lazy go get off your skinny ass to spend some time with "the girl that you love".


I'm starting to doubt that what we had was love at all. Sure, I might have loved you, planned my entire life around you, unconsciously oriented myself around you. Your mind was different - all you thought of was you, your retirement, and your family. I'm not saying that's bad, but you didn't really pay me much mind.


Comparisons to other people are completely logical, because the people I compare you to are busier than you, have more responsibilities than you, have more stress to deal with than you. And yet they can find the time to spend with their girlfriends. It wasn't a matter of could or couldn't, it was a matter of whether you wanted to or not.


Quote Kelly Clarkson, "I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well". This might be temporary, might be permanent. Two wrongs don't make a right - me hurting you in the past does not justify the hurt you did me.


It's easy for you to say, "I didn't want to hurt you". There were so many things you told me that weren't what they really were, I really didn't know what to believe anymore, even the many times you said you loved me. In the past I might have believed you, because it was what I wanted to believe. Now? I shall remain convinced that you framed me all along.


Let me tell you which part of the relationship hurt the most. You remember that time we were arguing again, and I kept saying that I wanted to see you? You compared me to Sook Kuan. You compared me to a completely different girl. You said she waited for you everyday after work just to see you, and that's because she worked with you.


You also told me, "why can't you be like her?" Sook Kuan's a sweet girl, with patience, and she's more down to earth. But you are the guy, by right you should come looking for me. I also offered to go to your condo, but you had multiple excuses.


If you really had loved me, you wouldn't have just moved on to the next stage, leaving me behind to grope around. If you really had loved me, my flaws would be my defining characteristics to you. How many tears I've cried for you, how many nights of sleep I've missed, because of all the thoughts that ran through my head.


Sometimes when someone has this habit, it's not that they don't want to change it, sometimes it's that they can't. I think I can safely say that I hate you for now. You gave me so much hope, built a ladder so high for me to climb, then just toppled it over. Falling from cloud nine, crashing from the high.


I see you for who you are now - someone who isn't worth the time and effort. My sister was right, and I should've listened to her. My sister and I are different, yet we are the same as well. 19 years of sisterhood outmatches a 6-year crush anytime.


The regrets I have in life are that I fell in love with you, and I was stupid enough to hurt myself because of you, and let myself be hurt.

My face

I have a naturally squarish face, which are adorned with unevenly large eyes, a somewhat bulbous nose, and full but downturned lips. My eyebrows are somewhat angled and set in a way that I have this "glaring" look all the time, even more so after I started grooming my brows.


My poker face would be not your typical girl face - it would be a face that most people would consider an angry or upset face. My mouth is much more downturned when I have other things on my mind, which makes me somewhat unapproachable.


The thing is, people actually think that I'm in a bad mood or upset or whatever, when actually I'm just thinking. What, you want me to be constantly smiling? I assure you, that would be very scary, especially if I'm holding a knife.


Perhaps it's my problem that I don't take the initiative to talk to people who think that way, but then again, I'm like them - they don't look as if they're in a mood to talk, so I don't talk to them.


Then again, if I have offended or hurt anyone intentionally or unintentionally, I would really appreciate it you would tell me up front. One man's sense is another man's nonsense - what I think is alright to do might not agree with everyone. I often offend or hurt people without knowing it, and I really appreciate it when they tell me what doesn't agree with them, so that I don't do it again in the future.

This or That? tag

Tagged by Vicky Hoang, and I haven't done a tag in ages. =D

Photo from Vicky Hoang's blog =D

Blush or Bronzer?

I don't own a bronzer, and I only own one blusher (Bobbi Brown Blushed). I use it as both, though I would usually use it as bronzer for contouring the cheeks, because I really don't like how it looks on my cheeks as blusher.


Lipgloss or Lipstick?

I seldom use both, but I'd go for lipsticks. They usually have more color, last longer, and much less sticky than their glossy counterparts.


Chapstick or Lip Butter?

Chapstick is basically lip balm, and that's usually what I use (Kiehl's Tinted Lip Balm), apart from Vaseline. Never tried lip butter before, though.


Matte or Sparkle Eye Shadow?

Depends on how sparkly the eye shadow is. I'd usually go for shimmers, but for this I'd choose mattes. They work wonders for my puffy-ish Asian eyes~


Eyeliner or Mascara?

Oh god. I can't live without one or the other. If I wear eyeliner, I have to put on mascara, and vice versa. I THINK I'd choose eyeliner, though. Mascaras can only do so much for my lashes, and I prefer the impact eyeliners give me versus the mascara.


Gel, Liquid, Cream or Pencil Eyeliner?

I've only tried gel, liquid and pencil. If I really had to choose, I'd choose gel, because if you use enough, it gives the effect of liquid, but with the right technique, the effect of pencil can be achieved as well. The only thing I don't like is cleaning the brush after. Liquid is awesome for quick, sharp lines; while I only use pencil now to line the waterline.


Foundation or Concealer?

I do not own a concealer, and I find that just doubling or tripling the amount of foundation on certain areas of the face is sufficient concealer as it is. Finding a right shade of foundation is tricky, but finding it makes all the difference in the world. Just apply as usual, then on wherever you want to conceal, just dot a little more until it's concealed, then set with powder.


Liquid or Powder Foundation?

This is tough. I use both quite frequently, but I'd choose liquid for this. Although the application process is more troublesome than powder, it completely evens out the skin tone without over mattifying the skin. I use powder when I'm in a rush, though, or lightly to set liquid foundation. 


Neutral or Statement Eyes?

Statement. My lips are quite full, and they are the reason why sometimes I feel I'm heavy. I'm an admirer of captivating, sensual eyes, and I do believe that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Hence, I tend to go for dramatic eyes, with natural lips.


Pressed or Loose Shadows?

I've never owned or used loose shadows before. =P


Waterproof or Non-Waterproof?

Definitely waterproof. Even after over two years of regularly using make-up, my eyes tend to water, and I tend to sweat a lot. Even so, sometimes waterproof make-up doesn't live up to it's function, and just runs anyway.


Brushes, Sponges, or Fingers?

I don't like to use sponges, but I alternate between brushes and fingers. I'd use brushes more, though, because can only apply make-up with my right hand, and there are only 4 usable fingers there, whereas I have over 10 brushes to use.


Powder, Cream, or Liquid Highlighter?

I don't have a highlighter, per se, but I use other products in place of it, and they are usually powders. Sometimes I'll just use a matte white shadow (Artistry Vanilla), or a face powder with sheer sparkly effects (Callas Finishing Touch Loose Powder, Laneige Snow Crystal Sliding Pact).