Suffocating memories

There are memories that you smile upon when they visit
There are memories that you shun when they try to enter
Then there are the memories that haunt you every moment
So much that you feel like suffocating
You feel so much like moving on and giving your heart a break
But you just can't...
Because it's too beautiful
Too rare
Too perfect


You're that suffocating memory
That memory that I love and hate
The one that I want to keep until the end of time
But also the one that I wish I could just forget


By pure chance, I met you
And something beautiful blossomed between you and I
Rare, precious, absolute
Something to be cherished and held close to the heart


Those three days were the most amazing in my life
Just one kiss to realize that you were the one
One hug to know that I would be cold without your embrace
And one exclamation of love
To express all those feelings we had


You saw me at my best
And you also saw the worst of me
But you loved me nonetheless
Even with the distance in between


The morning you left
Was the morning my heart died
It didn't shatter
But just stopped beating


I feared that you would stop talking to me
I feared that you wouldn't write to me anymore
Half of those fears came true
Perhaps not because of what I thought
But I was wounded nonetheless
Because I thought that was the end of us


Perhaps it was my fault
Perhaps it was yours
Perhaps...
It was just both of us being fools
You for thinking that I needed space
I for thinking that you have forsaken my heart in the snow


It isn't fair
To that wonderful girl there
To the amazing man here
But you're the one I'll always love
And I hope I have the same place in your heart
As you are in mine


I miss everything of you
Your voice
Your skin
Your smell
I miss looking into your eyes
I miss sharing kisses with you, be they virtual or real
I miss the bear of the man that I loved
The one with the European accent


Do I appear in your mind
As often as you appear in mine?
Do you picture holding me during those lonely nights
As I imagine being embraced in your chest?
Do tears fall
Though you try to hold them in
When you think about us?
Because mine flow freely when the memories flood back
Just as they did before you left


Maybe it's all just wishful thinking
That we would have a nice cabin in the Alps
You with your music
I with my writing
Perhaps a white puppy to bind everything together
It's a fantasy I still relive
Ever since you described it to me


Here's to us
Forever in love
But forever apart