Chronicles of Chean

I'm sorry I let you go.
I was a fool, blinded by everything.
I needed you, but I also pushed you away.
I could have accepted.
I could have accommodated.
But I was a fool not to.
And now you're gone.


Talking with everyone somewhat cleared my head.
Everyone had different opinions.
But most of them meant one thing:
I should let you go, and move on.
My head also told me that
you weren't really worth the wait and pain.
But my heart...
My heart was the one who kept telling me
To wait
To be patient
To not let go again
And cry tears of regret.


I admit I was jealous
Stupid, of a girl band
But I couldn't fathom how four girls
Whom you only know through music
Could occupy your heart
Till I was almost pushed out of it
It wasn't just because you liked them
I knew that I did the same thing
But...
It was more that they seemed more important to you
Than the relationship we had
And the love we shared


The song you sent me?
I really wanted to hate it
I wanted to hate the music that captured your heart
But somehow
It described us
My foolishness
My naiveness
Our relationship that I let go of...


Every morning when I wake up
The first person I think of is you
Throughout the day
I resist the urge to just curl up in bed and cry
Those tears of regret for letting you go
I cry myself to sleep at night
Thinking of how things might have been
If I didn't make that decision
If I didn't say those words...


I'm trying to patch things up
Even though I know very well I'm not worth it any more
At times, you told me to move on
But I don't think I can love anyone else
As I have loved you
I'll try my best to become that girl
That you dated a year and a half ago
That girl who didn't mind that your hair was ruined by the rain
That girl who was always bubbly
That girl who would try to cheer you up when you were down


Start from square one again
When I first started talking to you
About the band that we both liked
I really hope that I'm not too late...