Emotional update

I can't say that I'm not okay, 'cause every time I do, a fight starts.


I can't be emo, I can't be upset, I'm not allowed to cry. I must sweep everything under a mask and act like everything is okay with me. It's not like I'm blaming anyone for anything, but I just can't help much of my emotions, can I?


But then when I let out my feelings, I get the guilt of ruining his sleep. This is driving me to the point that I really feel helpless - I've tried lots of ways to distract myself from what I'm feeling, but everything doesn't work.


So damn depressed right now.