Search This Blog

Monday, February 23, 2015

How I actually feel about 50 Shades


Might be inappropriate for minors LOL


People who know me even as acquaintances know that I'm not as decent as I look - I can turn practically anything into a dirty innuendo. Apart from Harry Potter and fairy tale collections, I used to read any adult novel that had erotica in it (cue Emmannuel and I, Cleopatra), and they were the books that I didn't told anyone I read.

When Fifty Shades of Grey took the literature world by storm, I have to admit that I was interested. Many of my friends were already reading it, and recommended it to me as they knew my preference for erotic literature.

For me, erotic literature didn't have to have Shakespearean vocabulary - it could be simple, but it had to be sensual, descriptive, yet exciting.

Essentially, E.L. James was inspired by the Twilight saga and her husband, hence the erotic fan fiction that they called a "literary sensation". Eventually I got the books through BR1M vouchers (thanks, MPH), and I shamelessly read through the series.

I was hooked at first, even though the first few "sex scenes" were strange to me. I could understand the simple language that narrated the story, but the way the sex scenes were described were overly amateur. I didn't read the last few parts that described how they did it in the yard while she was pregnant and/or with the kid playing in the yard (forgot which belongs to which).

A random writer from Thought Catalog could've done so much better. It was so... porn-like (a.k.a. so bland and uncreatively blunt). Christian just stuck his impossibly massive phallus into her and Ana orgasms every single time without extra groin stimulation. Excuse me, but I think I've read enough Cosmopolitan articles and online instructionals to know that it's almost impossible for most women to orgasm through 5-10 minutes of intense sex, no matter how pleasurable it feels.

And perhaps each sex scene could've been a little different from each other. Essentially it was just kiss, fuck, then Ana orgasming and collapsing. It's something that someone who only has a very vague grasp of sex would write, as opposed to the people who are familiar with erotic literature (Google Adrienne West on Thought Catalog).

Some other little details. I want my man to take the lead in the relationship, but not to the extent that he will control what I do with my body cosmetic-wise. Sure, he can have his opinions about bodily hair, but to say that's it's a deal-breaker sounds more like a very compromising relationship, don't you think? (apparently a lot of first-world girls don't think so)

As much as I like the idea of Christian shaving Ana, I cannot comprehend ANY living male to be 100% okay with menstruation. My SO doesn't sweat too much about it, but it's still not really something he'd be eager to voluntarily come into contact to too much. But Christian actually pulled a freaking tampon out of her.

The fact that his first experience was with a Mrs Robinson would've been a deal-breaker, especially if she was still a large part of his life. I would already be jealous AF if any of his exes were still in the picture, let alone almost in the center of the picture.

The petty things aside: if any man takes pleasure out of hurting women, sees fit to control every aspect of her life and punish her for not abiding by his demands, and to just throw the woman around however he likes isn't romance - it's abuse.

Some might retort that it's just the way the BDSM scene is. Well, I don't know what really goes on in the BDSM community, nor do I know how a dom-sub relationship works, but I do know that it is always consensual, and the safe words are always observed. At the end of every session, the dom helps the sub transition back into reality. More than once, Christian ignored Ana's safe words, and it doesn't compensate to apologize for "losing himself".

I'm not saying that abused individuals don't deserve love. In fact, they need more love than normal, but to feed their "desire" for inflicting and basking in the pain and agony of another individual is unhealthy.

Ana is a sarcastic yet easily manipulated person of literature, and Christian is just an abusive and controlling dom who seems to find it okay to use his past as an excuse to throw his money and power around.

It was an adventure when it lasted, but compared to other works I've seen, this is not worth being called a literary sensation, regardless of how many books it sold.

As for the movie, I imagined more of a Christian Bale type male to be Christian, which was why I was utterly disappointed when they announced Jamie Dornan to be cast as Christian. And naturally, I thought of Kristen Stewart as Ana, but the casted Dakota Johnson didn't really do it for me either, though she does have a pretty nice body, from what I glimpsed through the snippet of the trailer that I did see.

Essentially, it's just a sexual episode of abuse that silly Ana thought was romantic to go through with. Also, it's essentially porn, so I don't get why so many people are going crazy about the fact that it has been banned in theaters here in Malaysia.

Just my two cents on the topic. Feel free to agree or hate.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015


Yet another heavy commercialized holiday.

We tend to get parasitical off holidays that come our way, so much so that we hope for an international win at a sporting event so that we get the next day off, courtesy of our PM.

The most commercialized holiday? Christmas.

Christmas used to be about loving, giving, and togetherness. Giving in the sense of the heart - a token of sincerity to express appreciation to loved ones, then the celebration of the birth of Christ (if my knowledge of Christianity and its holidays are accurate).

Now it's a "festival" of sorts where rich malls compete to put out the most extravagant holiday decorations and/or Christmas tree on display, and for people to passive-aggressively demand for expensive and lavish presents, with or without an equally lavish dinner to "celebrate the occasion". Who benefits from this? The people receiving said presents, and the companies who exploit the holiday to reap maximum profits.

Next comes Valentine's day. Valentine's used to be a shy (or in some cases, painfully obnoxiously direct) confession of affection, or romantic celebration of a romantic relationship. Typically, roses, chocolates, and a candlelit dinner, with a walk by the beach.

You could still get those now, but at crazy inflated prices. The traditional box of chocolates and dinner with a small present has become homemade chocolates (which I did this year), a crazy expensive dinner at a crowded restaurant, and some sort of overpriced silver jewelry in the form of charms (*coughPandoraandThomasSabocough*). Or some piece of accessory that costs more than it should.

Valentine's was a few days ago, and now a few days later will be the lunar new year. People are showing off the expensive new clothes they got (*coughcheckmyInstagramcough*), and estimating how much red packet money they're gonna receive this year. It's like a stock market investment plan.

Then when the holiday ends they're compare who got more. The more money from the least people is the winner, I guess, since it means that the people who surround you are more well-to-do and aren't stingy with their money.

For us, lunar new year meant our family being under one roof for a few days - all the aunts, uncles, cousins, and nieces. It also meant the time my dad would come home to be with his family for a couple of weeks, and catch up with old friends.

Now we're two people short, and it sticks out painfully.

Two men who were heads of families - the breadwinners, the fathers, the uncles and godfathers, the brothers, the husbands, the friends, the men who were the most patient and loving. Both who took the wheel and provided for their families, while providing entertainment for their families.

It's going to be a quiet year.