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Sunday, February 26, 2012

Verdict

Whatever the reason is, I'm not allowed to go see L'Arc~en~Ciel on their 20th Anniversary World Tour in Singapore.


Dad said it was the lack of an adult, which probably means that I'm still that naive girl who can't look after herself. I'll admit - I can't recognize routes easily. I'm nervous when it comes to communicating to strangers.


They keep telling me that I'll get my freedom once I learn how to take care of myself. I'll ask you this question: when have you given me the chance? Everywhere I go I have to have a chaperone, you never let me wander the world and discover it's dangers by myself. Experience? I have none, and that's thanks to you.


I know that your intentions are good - you want to protect me from the harms of the world. Everyday in newspapers, the internet, even in movies, people get murdered, robbed, hurt. But the thing is, the more you protect me, the more likely I'm gonna get hurt.


Take this guy for example - mentally challenged. I suspect he's been overprotected by family, and now he's grown up around my age, maybe even older, but he has the utter maturity level of an 11-year-old child. I don't want to grow up to the ripe old age of 25, only to realize I'm still a high school girl inside - not knowing anything, unable to cope with changing environments.


I understand. It's 400 kilometers away, with a boy that you don't really know, with no specific plan and especially vulnerable. The furthest that I've gone without chaperones is just an hour's drive away, but that was with a group of seven people. This is completely different.


I think other than the fact that I would be in danger if I went alone, you're also afraid that he might take advantage of me, that I won't say 'no' if he asks for it, just so that he will stay with me. The thing is, he isn't that kind of guy.


This is the first time I've ever heard a Japanese band, one that I'm actually interested in, coming so close to Malaysia. You have to understand, they'll never come here because of the stupid-ass government. Singapore is the closest they can get, and this may be the first and last time I'll be able to see them in real life.


For the past 6 years I've been ogling these bands on a computer monitor. Who knows? Touchwood, they might disband, or something bad happens, or they just decide to not come here again. It's literally the chance of a lifetime.


You were the one who told me to live my life to the fullest before getting weighed down with marriage and career. Yet I can't dye my hair with those DIY box dyes that you get at pharmacies. I can't make a mess out of myself without you making a huge fuss out of it. It makes me feel so left out from the world, where other girls get to go out whenever, wherever they want to, go to beauty salons to be pampered. Me? I do DIY, and I still don't earn enough bonus points to allow me ONE lifetime-opportunity concert.


While everyone goes out to have fun, I stay at home, in front of my laptop logged on to Facebook, read everyone's statuses, posts, and pictures about all the fun they had without me.

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