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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Fate deals me shitty cards

Yeah, I know, there are people out there whose lives are much worse than mine, but hey, I'm a 21st century teenager, all I do is complain. Don't tell me you've never once resented your life when everything seems past the point of no return, then have things improve a bit and then get plunged back into the horrible abyss.


Some people think that the key to a content life is just positive thinking. I disagree. Especially when everyone just doesn't seem to care about anything about you.


If I were given the choice of my future life, I'd rather choose being a single child with divorced parents and the parent that I live with is a control-freak than live in the shadow of both my older and younger sisters, and have both my parents dote on both of them while piling all the hopes and expectations on me.


You can't say that I'm immature, 'cause some older people actually agree to this with me. My mum overcompensates for my older sister, for reasons too cliche to fathom. She can go anywhere until almost any time, do whatever the hell she wants, get as much pocket money as she wants, and be behind locked, unlit rooms with her boyfriend.


My younger sister? Hah, this is even better. BOTH my parents dote on her. Typical Chinese. Everyone should bend over backwards to fulfil every whim that she utters. My mum still plays with her and strokes her hair like she did with me when I was younger (she barely even touches me now). She gets to go to sleepovers, attend birthday parties, and can get away with almost everything.


This is the best part. Every time I get a boyfriend my mum would question my virginity. Why don't you question someone else? She not having a porn-watching history doesn't let you assume that she would not do anything of that nature. Every request to go out has to be given a 3-day consideration and an entire list of activities, estimated expenses, locations, modes of transport, accommodation (if applicable), and attendees' parents' phone numbers just in case I get abducted; for both sisters? 1 day, maximum, if not an immediate approval.


Just because of this I missed out on so many things - my primary school trips, friends' birthday bashes, proms. Every time I say I want to go out for a date, she'd give me this shitty face. If I didn't tell her because of that shitty face, she'd give me the same face, plus a lecture on how I could have got kidnapped and raped and dismembered, etc.


Being the more academically successful of three siblings, they dump all expectations for straight As on me. Having barely passed my SPM with 2As, I was beyond happy - I thought that I'd flunked all the other subjects. But they took that news I considered so positive with some lemon and lots of bitter gourd. The only thing I got below a credit was for history, and it's not like my mum got straight As herself.


I ask for things only when I really need them; for the things I want? I just drop hint bombs and hope they get it, but they just brush it off, because "it's unnecessary and impractical". Both my sisters could ask for about anything and they would get it. My older sister has around 10 pairs of shoes, about 4 of which she doesn't wear. My younger sister has her own closet full of clothes, and yet she wears the same things over and over again but gets new stuff every so often.


You could say I'm lame, whatever. Some of you don't really understand how it feels, to be always the last one to be considered, always alienated because of my differences in taste of music and fashion, always the target of criticism and mocking. Sometimes it feels as if they don't care about anything relating to me. I don't even feel like a daughter sometimes - I'd get all the shit while they are chatting away happily.

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