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Saturday, July 5, 2014

Deja Vu

This psychological phenomenon is defined as delayed response of your brain to the current situation, hence making you feel like you've seen or experienced the current situation before. However, I grew up defining deja vu as the phenomenon where scenarios in your dreams take place in your reality.

This has happened to me a number of times, but they were mostly scenarios where I was spacing out, or staring at a particular object or person, and usually, my next reaction would be exactly the same in real life as in the dream, up until I tell someone about the deja vu. Though it amazed me, I accepted it as a fact that we humans have some kind of 6th sense, but it doesn't appear as how the movies depict it.

My dreams are seldom "normal", and are pretty much never stable. Sometimes, even the most vivid of dreams would slip away in mere seconds after I wake up from them, no matter how much I replay the scenario in my mind. Those that remain are only snippets of the entire dream, and over 10 years of consciously remembering my dreams, only a few scenarios remain retrievable from my brain.

Just a mere few hours ago, deja vu hit me in a way I never would have imagined would ever happen. It was a dream that happened a few years ago, though I can't remember exactly how many ago. It was that particular part of the dream that stuck with me, and there was this gut feeling that I couldn't explain, but nothing really happened from it... until just now.

In the dream was a very specific layout - toilet bowl beside a sink, and on the edge of that sink lay a two pieces of clothing that resembled undergarments. Just above the sink was a small ledge for products, and a large mirror. On the perpendicular wall hung a jumble of fabrics. A shower was turned on to my right, and I stood on the right of the toilet bowl, facing toward the sink, staring.

I then shifted my sight to the floor - black and white textured tiles, in a particular arrangement the entire floor were black tiles, with the exception of a rectangular strip throughout the bathroom that left another black border at the edge of the entire floor. My line of sight included the door, which was a screen door of frosted glass - closed.

As I continued to stare to the floor, a male voice beside me asked what was wrong. He asked if I was alright. When I didn't respond, he spun me around to face him. That's when I moved away from him to stand at the sink, staring back at him. Meanwhile, he continued to ask what was wrong, and tried to comfort me. I remembered a very large object that sat on the right side corner of the bathroom, to left of my original position, and there was a protruding ledge above that area.

I remember being gripped with some kind of panic, or disbelief at something, because I had my hands over my mouth in ... confusion? That's all I remembered of the dream, and I never summoned the memory, until it hit me like a meteor crash.

It came to me so vividly it scared me, because I remembered feeling a very close relationship between the guy in the dream and me. Each detail, despite trying to defy the dream, was reenacted with my every move, every glance, and every word; and somehow his reactions were exactly the same as well.

My usual deja vus are usually starting at the roots of a tree nearby, or overhearing the same snippet of conversation between two people while spacing out in a public place. Those held me pleasantly surprised, though that faint delight in quickly dismissed by the continuing of life.

The impact is real, because I've never felt as solid with someone in a relationship as I am today. I've never been as determined to make a relationship work as I am now, and the fact that the setting in the dream was in his bathroom convinced me that my own brain predicted that I would be with this amazing guy at one point in my life or other.

For years, I've dreamed of fairy tale romances, pre-told destiny, and the involvement of a superior force other than what man is capable of. My fairy tale romance did come true, and my destiny was indirectly pre-told by my own mind, but it did not arrive as I expected. Despite the meltdowns, the harsh words, and the abuse in between, I've never felt happier. And now that this has resurfaced, I'm reassured - at one point or another, we are meant to be.

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