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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Don't be as stupid as I was

I wouldn't blame my upbringing - my mother brought us up to be self-respectful, self-protecting, and dignified. However, I was always the rebellious one in the family - I would do things, and almost deliberately give myself away for attention.

In other words, I developed into attention whore, since the tender young age of 6 or 7.

Anyone who gave me more than a day's attention was my friend. Any boy who paid even the slightest sliver of attention to me was in love with me. My naivety had me thinking that I made the world revolve around me, which was why growing up and realizing that wasn't the case had be scrambling to have my sense of secure attention back.

With all this scrambling, I lost my sense of self-respect - as long as I was willing, any guy could touch me. And this is the worst mistake I've made in my two decades of existence.

During those moments, you might tell yourself: "I'm still young, so I have my rights to explore". Well, explore away, but as cliche as this might sound - save your body for your future husband.

Drunkenly kissing a stranger never crossed my mind twice. Flirting with a guy who probably just wanted to get laid was commonplace. The surprising thing was that I thought this was something so "glamorous", something so bad-ass that none of my friends did the same.

I learned a lot of lessons the hard way, and most of these times was only when I realized that it was too late. I was so into flirting that I failed to notice all the dead giveaways that told me "all he wants is to hookup!" I kept thinking that if I gave them what they want, they would reciprocate. 

No. They won't. They'll take what you give them, and that's it.

Some may take the time to guilt-trip you into thinking that you deserved it, and you should give more to them. Don't be the fool that I was.

I came to the dead-end, where all I knew was how to please a man in the bedroom. All I knew was to change myself to conform and satisfy everyone. While I've said before that conformity is unavoidable, don't lower yourself to the point that that's all you know how to do. And NEVER let yourself be an object for the men who don't know how to appreciate your affection.

You're young, beautiful, pure - sex is something that you have an entire lifetime more to enjoy. No, you don't have to learn all the tricks of the trade now - when you meet the man who really loves you for who you are, he wouldn't mind if you didn't know how to act like the women in porn movies. The man who truly loves you wants YOU, not the sex.

This isn't to tell you to lock yourself away from a tower - get out to know people, socialize, but draw the line there. No one-night-stand is worth hurting the one you love. No poisonous relationship is worth the damage you would do to your future.

The one who loves you has to accept everything you are, yes; but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Having to deal with your recurring past haunts the both of you, especially when all the "relationships" you had were blurred lines.

Don't feel like you need to be "out there" with guys - find yourself, ignore all the taunts, ignore all the pressure that you feel to get a boyfriend, and just be comfortable with yourself. Spare yourself and your future partner the pain of dealing with a complicated past.

You and your body are priceless - there's no one else out there who's as unique as you are, who's as special as you are. It isn't your fault that others can't appreciate who you are, so move on from them, and ignore their attempts to try to change you. Love you and your body, as you would love the one who would give you everything.

Learn to love. Learn to nurture. Learn to be self-loving, so that the past can never hurt your future.

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