Predicaments

I often find myself at the same crossroads again and again - to just stay single and wait for things to happen, or to pursue my romantic future with my own hands, or to just resign to the fact that people are always attracted enough to come close, but not close enough to close the deal.


Yes, I might be sounding desperate, but it's nerve-wracking especially when you've been through this for the past 2 years.


Everyone around me, and so many songs say to just sit back, relax, and que sera, sera. I'm doing that, basically, but it's like my love-hate relationship with Malaysian weather - I can't take it that yesterday was over 37'C outside, but the next day it's 25'C.


And no, I'm not pressuring anyone - I've learned the hard way that pressuring anyone doesn't lead to any kind of happiness (just some sort of sick illusion that things are still alright, just before you fall off the cliff when they let go).


I don't even know what this confusion is. It's like I'm back in high school - there's this guy I like, I like talking to him, I enjoy his company, his attraction is mostly his care-free attitude, but it's also the thing that's making me unsure. Today he's talking to me, the others he's out with others. I just can't wrap my head around all this.


This is just to let out my feelings. I can't keep things bottled up too much, because everything else is - suppression of the being is the worst things you can do.


And of all the people I fall so hard for, I fall for the one who called me names when I was 10, knowing full well I wasn't supposed to.