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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Love?

Inspired by peacemusicbabe's post~

Back when I was 13, I had my first relationship, which lasted for exactly 3 weeks. Each week he'd request to hold my hand, peck me on the cheek, and finally a kiss on the lips. Being naive as I was back then, I still thought a kiss was like your virginity - it was sacred, and therefore can only be given to the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with.

After we broke up, I kept resenting that he was a heartless playboy, who cared of nothing else than having a girlfriend. Thinking back now, it was just the naive-ness and peer pressure that we felt to be in a relationship, especially with a pretty/handsome one.

My second relationship was awkward beyond words - he was extremely introverted, and my personality clashed with his awfully. He was extremely clingy, monitoring every second; and if I replied his text a few minutes late, he'd start letting his thoughts wander to the "break up" area. This happened so often that I got annoyed and broke up with him.

I knew I left him heartbroken, but secretly inside I was hoping he'd learn something from this heartbreak. We're still friends now, even more than the first guy, but we still seldom talk.

The third one was the most horrible one of all - he smoked (though he said he quit for health reasons), he was a goddamn egoist and always hid behind a mask, making me wary of what he'd do next. Right on the first day he more or less stole my first kiss - I was looking the other way, he came up close behind me and once I turned around he just kissed me.

I waited for that "lighting will surge through you" feeling, but there wasn't that kind of feeling. After I broke up with him, somehow my mum took his side and told me that he was feeling very hurt from the sudden breakup. She had no idea what was going on.

The fourth one, and hopefully the one that will last until the day I die, is so far perfect. Perfect as in we love each other like mad, and even though we bicker and argue every now and then, we manage to patch things up, and those arguments actually make our relationship stronger.

The lesson I've learned throughout all these relationships are that love takes time to nurture. I've known my current BF for more than 6 years, so we basically knew each other well enough already.

I used to blindly crush on guys and hope that I'll get in a relationship - that was just the peer pressure working on me. Everyone else were cuddling with their "boyfriends", so I automatically felt obliged to do that as well. And those that aren't able to get boyfriends deem themselves "unwanted by society".

My older sister and I are both in relationships, somehow this has made my younger sister feel like she needed a partner as well. The guy is ... the kind of guy I would usually avoid - the stereotypical "lala zai".

I think it all boils down to the type of person - some people just feel the need to have a partner all the time, anyone will do; some like to scroll through partners to find "the one"; others wait for Cupid to work his magic.

I've tried "advising" some of my girl friends about relationships, but what I got what "you're not qualified to give me any advice 'cause you yourself suck at relationships". You can't win with these kinds of people. If they refuse to listen, then let them torture themselves, but if these people try to complain to me about their relationships to me: sorry girl, can't help you there, 'cause I'm "not qualified".

So, my definition of love - love is a feeling that you feel toward one or many persons, and it's unconditional. He/she may not be the best looking of people, they may not have the perfect personalities, they also might have weird habits or interests, but if you truly love them, then you'll accept all that.

Love is deep. Relationship-wise, sometimes the feeling has to be activated via numerous ways. Some just happens the moment you see the person (which is more or less what happened to me, but I had to wait another 6 years before anything else happened).

If you really love someone, you'll forgive the person almost immediately for about anything at all. You share their happiness, their sorrows, their frustrations, their worries, everything. You wouldn't really mind if the person doesn't come from a millionaire family, or whether he's got tertiary education - those are for "ideal" husband candidates. However, it'll be hell being with someone for the rest of your life that you don't really love.

Disclaimer: all these are my personal thoughts on things, not biased to any party/gender.

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